Thursday, 13 July 2017

Mum Moan #1


Taking inspiration from Out of Depth Dad and my frequent moan sessions on an evening I thought I'd share with you some of the highlights of ridiculous questions or comments people say to me when I'm out and about with Aria.

Thinking back to the first few weeks of Aria being around I can pinpoint the exact first comment that made me think WHAT THE HECK are you talking about... someone (and now that I feel normal again I know it was just out of kindness really) commented on a photo of mine saying "Enjoy the bliss of the first few weeks hunni". At the time I remember thinking "Bliss, what sodding bliss? I haven't slept more than two hours in a row, I can't remember the last time I showered and I've not got a blinding clue what I'm meant to be doing with this small human that's constantly attached to my boob."

Going through the first ten months of motherhood has made me so much more aware of how I speak to new mums, the questions I ask and generally when to just bite my tongue whilst nodding and smiling.

Here are some of the corkers I've experienced and how I'd really like to respond:

1. "Is she sleeping through yet?"

Errm...do you sleep through the night? Do you need to get up and piss at 3am?Do you get hot/cold and need to adjust the temperature? Well then, stop asking about her sleeping habits and just continue to coo over how sodding cute she is please. But, whilst you're at it.. please don't touch her cheek like she's a baby goat at a petting farm.


2. "Is she a good baby?"

Well actually no she isn't. She's teamed up with the devil himself to strategically plot against me... of course she's a good baby.. she doesn't know the concept of 'misbehaving' so please just back the F up and carry on with your weekly shop.

3. "Are you enjoying it?"

Am I enjoying raising my offspring? Yes of course I sodding am; I wouldn't have got myself into this situation unless I thought some enjoyment might come of it.

4. "Is her dad helpful?"

Helpful? What you actually should be asking is whether he's taking on his half of the responsibility as she is his too. No, he doesn't babysit whilst I go out to the pub with friends.. he looks after his child whilst I sip a glass of pinot with the gal pals.

5. "Ohhh she's a messy eater isn't she?"

Whoops sorry I must have missed the sign on the door to the restaurant that stipulates a condition of children eating here is that not one crumb must fall below the highchair. You've got a sodding children's menu, maybe you should add the a small dog to come out with the main course as a side order?

6. "Have you decided if you're going back to work?"

Well I was considering it but if you'd like to pay me the equivalent of my salary each month for the next 10 years I'd happily accept a cheque right now? YES i'm going back to work, now stop being so nosey and let me drink my Costa in peace whilst she naps.


7. "Its so relaxing being on maternity leave isn't it?"

If you call doing two loads of washing per day, sweeping up food you've taken hours to prepare off the floor, waking up at 6am most mornings, taking 5 minute showers, having the tune of the sodding learning farm in your head 24/7 relaxing then yes, its a year long holiday. You either don't have children or just don't remember how much hard work it can be day to day.

8. Are you ready for another baby?

Woah, I've literally just got my head around this one, give me a chance please love!!


I know people sometimes just want to make conversation and most of the time they mean well but people should really choose their words wisely when talking to a sleep deprived mother...one day I might actually come out with one of these responses. HAHA...awkward.

Have you experienced any of these questions from strangers? 
Do you give them an honest answer or let your mum wrath loose?

XOXOX


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